Funeral homes reaffirm formal dress codes as attendees shift to casual wear

Online guides from funeral homes in the United States continue to recommend that men wear shirts, ties, and jackets to services, a standard that many attendees now ignore in favor of casual clothing. The shift has drawn criticism from traditional observers who argue that the change reduces the visible respect shown to the deceased.

The discrepancy between written advice and actual behavior was noted in a column published by the Jewish Link of NJ on November 5, 2026. The author observed that men frequently arrive at funerals wearing jeans, T-shirts, or short-sleeved shirts with slacks. In contrast, funeral home websites typically advise women to avoid attire suitable for parks or beaches and urge men to maintain a formal appearance.

Maurice Lamm’s book, “The Jewish Way in Death and Dying,” does not address specific clothing requirements. The text is commonly found in shiva houses but leaves room for interpretation regarding dress codes. This gap in authoritative guidance has allowed local custom to evolve, leading to a mix of formal and informal attire at recent services.

The author, who identifies as a traditionalist, expressed shock at seeing men in casual wear during memorial services. He stated that he finds it difficult to understand why a formal dress code is no longer considered necessary for events such as weddings, bar mitzvahs, dates, and funerals. He noted that he previously viewed suits and ties as non-negotiable for Shabbat, weddings, and funerals alike.

The casual trend extends beyond funerals to Shabbat observances. The author observed that men and children often change from formal morning attire to casual clothes immediately after leaving synagogue services. Children are frequently seen running in parks wearing baseball shirts, T-shirts, and sweatpants. The author argued that parents should teach children that Shabbat continues through Motzei Shabbat after Havdalah, rather than ending when the morning services conclude.

The author acknowledged the challenge of maintaining a sacred atmosphere, or sevivah, during the afternoon hours. With groups dispersed and synagogues quiet, parents face pressure to find activities to keep children entertained. He suggested that playing with children at home is a more appropriate use of time than sending them outside with scooters, helmets, or basketballs. He described the practice of leaving children for outdoor play as a way for parents to avoid spending time with them during the holiday.

The author urged attendees to dress appropriately and pay attention during funerals. He emphasized that showing respect to the deceased is a personal responsibility. He also criticized the use of phones by women sitting at services, noting that it detracts from the solemnity of the occasion. The goal, according to the author, is to remember the pain of the mourners for the duration of the service.